Emotional Intelligence is a sexy sounding term that boils down to a simple awareness - tuning in to what is occurring for you, and being able to discern and label accordingly, and doing the same when reading someone else. It's a system of information processing that holds space for everyone's needs and ensures that we're communicating honestly, intentionally, from our highest Self to the highest Self we know to exist in others. If we’re paying attention, we notice that we don’t have to search hard for this information because we are all offering it up both verbally and non-verbally at every single second. This past week, I had a situation come up where I felt the need to serve up some radical honesty with a friend. Calling on some Emotional Intelligence tools (including Emotionally Intelligent friends - looking at you David) helped me navigate these waters with confidence, and a cool, caring detachment around whether a shift came through or not.
When it comes to the delicate art of productive communication, using this intelligence is our greatest ally. In action, this looks like checking in and ask what's really happening, what we're really requesting (there’s ALWAYS a request when we’re creating dialogue around our feelings), and why we're bringing voice to whatever it is that we're sharing as we ready ourselves to practice this aforementioned radical honesty. Before I step up to speak up, I ask myself some questions to tap into the abundance of Emotional Intelligence that is available to me by simply being willing to listen for my own truth. I ask myself if I'm:
- Generating force towards my own desired outcome
- Reaching for attention or external validation
- Hoping to gain something
- Sharing how _______ makes me feel in a way that would generate peace whether they are able to receive that or not
- Speaking to their highest and best Self
- Letting go of any judgement
- Offering observations that I’d want someone to give me in the same scenario
So we check our ego, right? It’s okay if this is about you, as long as it supports your growth and this is the highest vibrating version of you we’re talking about here. We can serve our own needs, “selfish” as they may be, and take a stand for everyone that glorious higher Self . The other side of this coin though, is that I’m not only fully informed as to my own emotions, but that I’m looking and listening for clues that give insight as to where my counterpoints are at in their emotional space. To that end, I check not only my own energy, but theirs too. First and foremost, I make sure I’ve invited compassion to guide me through the interaction - a masterful and graceful informant, always. Then, a few more questions (already buzz worthy set in the world of EQ) bring me home to the fullest emotional astuteness so that I can activate my voice from a safe, bold and elevated place:
- Does it need to be said?
- Does it need to be said by me?
- Does it need to be said by me, now?
Tapping into this Emotional Intelligence leads me into an awareness that supports me in being able to release any attachment to my own stories or desired outcomes - compassion always, always, always, over control. It allows for me to hold people in the greatest of care as I use my entire being to get a sense of what is happening energetically, and to own my ability amplify the volume around whatever I’m sensing inwardly. And when we can speak from this expanded place, well, that’s when shift gets real.